Monday (tomorrow) begins the normal year for most everybody in my family and I guess that more than even new year’s day causes me to think about plans.

I really hope that I make time to write, here, and on a novel that I at least actually began this past year. I’ve always struggled to find a focus on blogging, so it would be great to manage to do so this year. I also plan on using Nicolaides- The Natural Way To Draw as a tool to begin drawing more and hoefully to improve.

If any of you are Orthodox, or leanng that way, such as I.  This is a great plan for reading through the Orthodox version of the Bible in a year’s time.

It seems to me that right before the meat of the routine year kicks in I find myself wanting to hang on to some creative and energetic things I pick up during these slower times.  While also growing fearful that they will be lost in the busyness of what is coming up.  Too often my fears are realised, and the process occurs  so subtly, I hardly seem to even notice.  If any of you have some solutions to this problem, leave them in the contents by all means.

My holiday break has given time to read, reflect and write a little. I work outside mostly and when in my office access to social sites and blogs is blocked, texting is expensive, and I share a computer at home with three people; so being able to blog and comment these last few days has been a real treat. Soon (Friday) my daily routine will return to normal and I will be someplace else more and here less, and with that in mind here are some New Year’s day thoughts.

A New Day Dawns

Leo Babauta at Zen Habits has recently listed four life principles or commandments and put me in the frame of mind to think along those lines and reflect on hopes for the coming year.

I will try to resolve to order my behavior in two primary ways:

1) To let the Creator be more in control of my daily agenda.
2) To let myself be more involved with the Creator’s daily works.

Some of my other wishes are personal and would mean something only to me, or a few, and  the one thing that is on my mind as I write this night that probably is in the thoughts of many more; I believe that the Velveteen Rabbi has done a better job of blogging.  Happy New Year’s day everyone and may your world, and your life find blessings and peace in this year that is to unfold.

Could isolation be the single most soul-crushing circumstance for a human to bear up to as we move through this world?

The suicide of a young man whom my oldest son went to high school with caused me to reflect on this possibility. I live in a rural south Arkansas town, which on the surface seems to be doing all right; if not a little shop worn and stagnant.

As evidence of things being “all right” we highlight our two small college campuses, our proximity to a Corp of Engineers lake and two nearby rivers, our timber industry, and our small town family values as demonstrated by the numerous Protestant churches in the area. Yet, it seems to me that we are less willing to discuss our economically dying region of Arkansas, the number of young people who move away never to return. We certainly won’t mention that “west end”, is a polite term for our racially segregated black side of town, or that our churches are racially segregated and divided by idealogical differences. We seem to be at a loss to explain that despite the large numbers of these churches, we still have a high teen pregnancy rate, an abundance of sexually transmitted disease, a high divorce rate and low college attendance. We are not too concerned that our affluent areas are prospering, while our middle income is shrinking and our low income is growing. The dichotomy between our perceptions of the positive and our apathy to the negative, helps in creating our isolation and resentment one from another, it seems.

Ours is a typical southern community in that we remind our young people to “protect the family name” (even if that means covering up problems), going about daily life as if we have no worries, and avoiding the “wrong type of people. We also teach them to be polite to the extent of not speaking of troubles or differences of opinion in public, that it is really better to let these differences fester just under the surface in our little isolated groups that tend to stand out like lone trees on the prairie to anyone willing to look.

I wonder if it is our young people are people doing the looking, and being troubled by what they see. I wonder if they begin to perceive a lack of authenticity between our stated values on love, community, justice and religion; versus the way we actually behave. I wonder if they taste the isolation we have established more distinctly than my age dulled ones can, if they don’t really believe they can be who they feel they are and pursue their dreams here and still be accepted. I wonder if they understand better than me the lack of community we have come to be.

I wrote this around ten years ago when I was into free verse type poetry. I guess it is still my wish for the world.

There are moments when the intellect of one’s mind finds no way to express the emotions felt deep within our heart. Words eloquent enough nor other means do not exist to convey the depth or breadth of these emotions. One would do just as well to ask a sunrise to describe itself, or a mother to explain her instincts.

Certainly history records outstanding human thought; but what can be love’s standard within a human heart?

Surely the melding of one’s soul with another, allowing; even compelling, that person to relinquish their life for the other is an example. Instances when we hold another and cry together amidst our grief and despair, two spirits uniting in something much deeper than speech or any other human contrivance.

It seems these intimate qualities can so frighten us, that we oft’ times retire to safer, less personal behavior. How deliciously intriguing, this inherent calling to reach out, to share, makes us recoil in fear from the very souls we are drawn. Truly this must be the cause of manifold heartache, oppression,and isolation of one heart from another. How very distressing that we fail to embrace the very things we feel wooing us so deeply within our being.

What then, is this love’s standard within the human heart? How do we welcome the very things we shrink from so readily?

One can imagine certain attributes that would be found in that far off land.

No more crushing of another’s dream, for we would want; no need; to inspire them to achieve their dream. One can envision the love, joy, and trust, in children’s eyes; instead of fear, dejection, and hate. Hoarding resources and commodities would vanish, for it would be paramount for everyone to have their needs fulfilled. No one would be left to cry alone in the night, our hearts would ache with theirs, and drive us to be a companion in their dark hour. Tender hearts would not be forced into hardness or brokenness due to the savageries of others.

People of all ages and distinctions would be free to engage with one another freely, without worry of labels and misinterpretation of their delight in each other. Perversion of this standard would not exist, love would be for the others’ sake. Should an action or deed stain another, we would recognize the hurt and change our course. Your cut would be my cut, your blood would be my blood, your need would be my need.

Oh, that we would would embrace love’s standard and pour out its passion freely!

This Christmas finds me in a reflective mood.

My immediate family is safe, prosperous and healthy, a great blessing and comfort. Over the last years I have lost those who were parents to me, and have remained distant to my half siblings and birth parents whom I did not grow up around, a point of sadness and melancholy for me. While my job is secure and regular, I regulate and work around many for whom that is not so, this is sobering. I am in my forties now and some (maybe even much) of my idealism and drive to better the environment and public health of the little area I cover is spent. My Christian faith is not that of my father’s (or mother’s), and not even that of my wife and children, that is sometimes lonely and disturbing. I have hated too much and not loved nearly enough, while reveling in my prosperity and not sharing nearly enough. In doing so I have grown fat and lazy, both in body and spirit.

Most of the positive things in my life are not of my own doing, they are gifts from beyond, and I did not earn them nor deserve them. I have seen Christians who hate and argue, and people of other faiths work quietly to help someone; even many. I have also seen the reverse, the commonality seems to be whether they are lost in hype and dogma, or simply care enough about others to meet a need. I read history and look at current events around the world, and know that I have never experienced persecution, or severe discrimination. I have born gifts as if they were burdens, and exchanged genuine treasure for mere trinkets. I have seen several young people go to Iraq, some are now home, some not yet, and one died while there. I think George Bush was a failure as president and hope that Barack Obama will not be, but understand that both are politicians and human.

My truest hope is that the “kingdom in our midst”will somehow continue to grow and emerge all around this globe and in ever more hearts. But I will forget about that, become distracted and grow discouraged, or just apathetic; as I often have before.

May the Creator born as a mere human baby, who seeks those whom He chooses and revives by a Spirit more pure than our own, continue to pursue each of us so that all is not lost for me or anyone else.

Beatitudes

My oldest son, Jacob is on a free ride through college in part to his writing ability, the essay below got him into a select group of young scholars here in Arkansas.

“If there is sin against life, it consists in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.” – Albert Camus

I have discovered that the one thing that really sets me apart from most of my peers is my joy in life. From an early age I have made it a point to keep an upbeat attitude in every situation. The above quote sums up my philosophy quite succinctly.

Many times in life I have seen others lose their joy. They push themselves so hard that somewhere along the way they loose the rapture of the moment. What I strive for is to capture that spark, that is ever-present in young children, and mold my actions accordingly. If a school lunch is strange grey mystery meat again, I thank the workers who made it anyway. Their job can not be especially rewarding; doling out the same food to 500 indifferent, unappreciative teenagers. I see people trudging through their lives and can not help but try to draw them into the wonder at that instant in time. Though it may sound sappy, often times people find a smile to be quite infectious. When people learn live their lives exuberantly they inevitably find their former cloaks of surliness to be quite passÈ. I intend to continue to spread my ideal of delighting in every second, every instant of the day. I believe that the exuberant child in everyone is waiting to fill the tedious with glee.
~ Jacob Morgan, 2008

Speaking Joy Silently

Hold a newborn babe close to your heart
Wrap new hope around your life
Dance every step with hope from the start
Spin each second into a fresh memorable part
Let the finale be a single thrown dart

Hold love in your arms alway
Wrap yourself in your love’s arms
Dance on loves golden ray
Spin into loves strong rapturous play
Let the finale be a love today

Hold a fallen royally red and golden dream
Wrap its decadence into your memory
Dance with jittery excitation and exclaim
Spin energy into a vortex of hopeful aim
Let the finale be a beloved name

bkm 1/15/2002

To Live is to allow moments to slip away,
as those you love grow, leave; and die.
To merely exist is to hold on to moments
that should be slipping into one’s past.
I fear that my dearest moments lie somewhere
in the past as I watch them recede from my grasp.
And I stumble desperately after them
wishing they would remain within my reach.
While in the present my precious new moments
remain still-born, for I am not here living.
~ John; 19 December 2008

From a long time ago.

Hello, everyone!  The world’s a long time a coming and life passes by in a flash.